Saturday, May 28, 2011

30 Things I Never Knew About Motherhood

 30 things no one ever mentioned about being a mom...

1. Cheerios fall out of her diaper or clothes most every night when we are taking them off. I swear sometimes it even happens on days that she didn't even have any.

2. I now have the ability to be asleep and awake at the same time. I know this because sometimes my child likes to party at 3am and my days of 3 am partying are long over.

3. One day she loves peas, the next day, peas are dead to her. Same goes for almost every other food she has ever loved.

4. All paper must be kept out of the child's reach. They like the taste of paper and will eat it any chance they get. My child has eaten magazines, toilet paper, paper towels, napkins, grocery lists, the list goes on and on.

5. Toddlers are way smarter than we give them credit for. In fact, they are evil geniuses. They are quick to learn how to push mommy and daddy's buttons and they are not afraid to do it. See the previous blog post about the floor licking.

6. The makers of children's television are also evil geniuses. I know this because I often find myself singing "keep trying, keep trying, don't give up" and "hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog."

7. Anything with buttons is a seriously desirable item and all buttons were made to be pushed (technically this is not a surprise b/c I love a good button too, I just had no idea there could be so much passion).

8. Kids are innately drawn to balls. If they see one they immediately want to pick it up.

9. Half of the toys in the world are farm related. I find this strange since farmers actually make up a small portion of the population.

10. Kids can climb like little monkeys. Once this starts, nothing is safe. Today she crawled out of her booster seat and onto the dining room table.

11. A one year old has the ability to look at you like you are an idiot, and have you believing it.

12. It is funny when anyone farts, no matter what their age.

13. A hug from your little one is the sweetest hug of all.

14. Be careful what words you choose to teach your child. You will hear them over and over. And over and over. And over and over. My biggest regrets: 'more' and 'paci'. Anytime she says either she expects it immediately. If she throws in a 'please' she expects it yesterday.

15. It is incredibly hard not to compare your child to other children. Don't do it, it will only make you feel bad.

16. Do not compare your mothering to the supermoms you know (everyone knows at least one.) It will only make you feel bad. Trust me, we are all doing the best we can.

17. There are never enough hours in the day and there is never enough energy in my body to get everything done that needs to be done.

18. All moms secretly judge each other. (And they all deny it).

19. Working from home is super hard. Amazingly, children prefer to have all your attention and know when you are trying to do something really important and/or time sensitive.

20. Generic diapers and formula are just as good as regular.

21. Your toddler will surprise you everyday with something they can say or do that they couldn't do the day before. The other day my mom said 'one' and my child said 'two.' I was like, who are you? How do you know that?

22. No matter what kind of food they have, whatever you have is always better. I now have to share everything and I can't say I love that.

23. Even if you have a good sleeper, they will not always sleep good. Even if you have a good eater, they will not always eat everything.

24. It is way more fun to buy clothes for A than for me. Most everything fits and she doesn't worry about her midriff or thighs or anything else for that matter. I think it is cause she knows she is so freaking cute.

25. It is never to early to teach manners. I am proud that my 16mo old knows please and thank you and uses them both.

26. Girlfriends are more important than ever once you have kids. They will give you advice, listen to you vent, help you out in a pinch, give you a glass of wine, let you cry, and make you laugh.

27. I never stop being scared. For her health, for her safety, for her happiness. It is a feeling I can manage, it doesn't run my life, it doesn't keep me from letting her do her thing. But it is always there and it will always be there.

28. At night I am happy to put her to bed, and in the morning I am happy to see her when she wakes up.

29. Kids are funny and they know it. Mine makes herself laugh all the time, which makes us laugh. It is like having a comedian live 24/7.

30. My life is better with her in it. It is more complicated, more exhausting, and there is way more laundry. But better, so so much better.


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