Monday, August 29, 2011

Stare-itis Overload

For those of you that know me in the real, you know I have a little problem called stare-itis. When I see something interesting/strange/insanely horrific, I tend to stare. A lot. I am not staring out of disgust, but out of wonder. And appreciation. And interest.

I feel that it would be wrong to not share some of the amazing sights I saw this weekend at the music festival. My stare-itis was in super high gear. I think I saw maybe 1/10th of the actual performances, because I could not stop looking at everyone around me.

1. "What's that," you say? Why that, my friends is a pair of blue panties under a see through peach dress made of some sort of knit gauze. Who knew that was a fabric option? Not me. The amazing part of this dress (as if is this is not amazing enough) is that when she turned around there was FULL ON BOOB nudity. I like to think I am progressive and modern and hip. But this dress made me question all that. Am I a prude that I found this to be a bit, ahem, much? Hubs assures me this is way far past a bit much. What I wonder is, did she actually stop at a Starbucks in that outfit? Because this is a lot of look to take in before one has had their coffee, which is how I can only assume the people in line behind her felt. Or did her friend behind her in the ill fitting white strapless sun dress maybe bring Miss Nudie 2011 her latte that day. One can only hope she spared her barista an up close view of all of this. 

#2. The Macrame Coozie. I had to get a pic of this because only hippie nation could turn a tailgating staple into an art project with such flair. I look at this and wonder who was the super genius that decided the world needs to be able to carry our beers around our neck in a mini version of the plant hangers our grandma's had in the 80's. Ingenious. And weird. But the hippies find them useful because they can noodle around hands free.

#3. These two gems came into my field of vision as a pair. Let me rephrase...a striking and awe inpsiring pair. Tall dude has on what appears to be homemade flag inspired corduroys and some sweet Willie Nelson-esque braids topped off with a red plastic derby hat. His partner in crime, henceforth called Tom Wolfman Cruise, was rather unexciting except for the copious amount of facial hair. I have two scenarios in which this look is necessary: he is someone famous, obviously Tom Cruise from his height, wearing a crazy beard and large white sunglasses as well as a very dirty trucker hat so that he can enjoy life and be out among us plebes. The other possibility is that he is one of those Mexican Wolfmen I saw on the Discovery Channel and he is in the states to take in the sites and naturally he wanted to see American hippies in action. You decide.

#4. Ah, the leather kilt. So dashing, especially when paired with a tie dyed tee, pony tail, soccer sandals from '94, and all of one's oversized silver rings. He got thisclose to me when I was laying back relaxing and I became very worried that I may inadvertently see under the kilt. When I reopened my tightly squenched eyes he had moved on, but not before I could take this awesome pic. He is disguised in this pic just in case his peeps read The Lint Trap (highly likely). Let's face it, a leather kilt with a detachable man purse is embarrassing enough without everyone you know seeing it on the interwebs. 

 #5. These two are not scandalous or racy. They are just funny. Because they are sitting on folding chairs. Obviously, they just moved these from the section of the festival that had the folding chairs. Except there was no folding chair section. They brought these bad boys with them into the festival. I know this for a fact because they parked next to us and we watched them take them out of their car. And then made lots of fun of the fact that they robbed a church fellowship hall before they came. You can imagine my glee when they trucked in the second day and opened up their chairs right in front of us. What says comfortable more than metal folding chairs? Who brings camping chairs or a beach blanket when they can have a nice hard chair to sit on. I am sure their backs thank them, even if their asses didn't.

#6. This freak made her husband go get her lunch, whined about forgetting her jeans, and couldn't stop staring at the hula hoopers next to her...
wait a sec. That is me. 
Moving on...

#7. The tutu girl. (Please excuse the poor pic quality, I took this one with my phone). Not only did this enterprising chick make herself a fetching tutu from scratch out of scraps of fabric swept up off the floor of a prom dress factory, she was selling them. For money. Strangely, she did not stop and ask us if we were interested. I guess my target pants and black fleece didn't scream tutu-wearer. Hurt my feelings for a sec. But just a sec, becuase ha-ha I already have a tutu. I just accidentally left it at home this weekend.

#8. The witches entertainers. This group of very interesting ladies set up camp directly beside of us. They obviously wanted me to have a crick in my neck, because I literally could not stop watching them. They all wore strange layered outfits that resembled pirate gypsies in knit, and they could do things with a hula hoop I was unaware that people did. After watching for about 30 minutes we decided these women were not only accomplished noodle hoopers, but that they had to be a witch coven (and they could necromance the heck out of some vampires as well as hypnotize with their hips.) I am not sure who found this group more impressive- the drunk dudes or the little girls. They had a plethora of both surrounding them at all times. Once nightfall happened, they took it to the next level with light up hoops. That's right, LIGHT UP HULA HOOPS. Who knew? In other news, I am looking for hula hoop lessons in the Piedmont Triad.    

#9. Amazing. A beer hat, crazy glasses, rainbow arm and leg warmers, and mardi gra beads. I heard her say she was rushing around to pick out her outfit. As if she has a whole closet of these types of things to pick from. I can only imagine what she wears on Halloween. Or Tuesdays. I was able to take this picture without fear of her calling me out and body slamming me, because she was actually posing for pics with anyone who wanted one. She worked this like she was on Top Model. Which she obviously was not.

#10. When we got up to go to the lovely line of port-a-johns, we realized that all the normal people were sitting in the back, out of the fracas of strangeness. Thank god we didn't sit back there. Bo-ring. What would I have done all day if I wasn't taking sneaky pics of weirdos? Maybe I would have actually payed attention to the music. Yeah right...

In related news...the girl from the first night on the bus was spotted (If you have no idea what I am talking about  CLICK HERE). She was skipping through the crowd with no obvious effects of her previous night of liver damage and public humiliation. Ah to be young again...


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