Friday, September 9, 2011

Feast or Famine of the Pants

This past week I had two serious mommy fails. I know what you are thinking...only two? Ha, I laugh at that. I have had many more than two today this week. But these are two biggies that point to the fact that I seem to be seriously losing my mind.

Sunday night I changed Lady Baby's diaper right before we left to go over to a friend's, then on to eat at our neighborhood joint. (If you have ever been to see me, you know the one. The only place we ever eat.) When we got to our friend's house, I realized I forgot to put Her Highness's bloomers back on over her diaper. Oopsie. No biggie, right? (I now scoff at my own stupidity.) We were not going anywhere fancy, just up the street. We sat outside to enjoy the lovely weather and live music and child proceeded to run around like a maniac. Side note: I don't let her run around like a rabid animal at most restaurants, but this one has a yard and patio where she can be free. She is all over the place and of course refuses to sit in her booster and eat, so hubs and I are taking turns between eating and watching her. As I am having a nice conversation and enjoying my lovely salad I hear, "Uh, her diaper just fell off." I turn around to see my delicate little flower with her lady bits out as she goes race walking (the fastest way she can move as of yet) away from us. I leaped to action and grabbed her up while he grabbed the diaper. Let me be the first to tell you...getting an already used diaper back on a squirmy child while sitting at a table in a restaurant is no easy, nor G rated, task. It involved a lot of thrashing and crotch exposure to several innocent patrons just trying to enjoy their pimento cheese burgers and oyster salads. Thank god she is too young to remember her first (AND ONLY) public pants off experience. 

Tuesday morning was stressful. Anthony's car broke down at 5am on the way to the gym, he had a doctors appointment he had to get to at 8:30, Toodles had preschool and picked that morning to sleep until 8, and my check engine light came on in the middle of all the hub-bub. We got out of the house in record time, I shuttled everyone where they needed to go, and all was great. Until we got home from preschool and did a diaper change. There, under her knit  pants, were her pajama shorts. In my psychotic running around I had dressed her quickly, and apparetnly with my eyes closed. The worst part is, I had to have taken her pants off, changed her diaper, AND PUT THEM BACK ON. The poor child had spent the day in two pairs of bottoms. She was so hot and sweaty, she probably lost a few lbs. I knew the teachers had seen the strangeness that was my child's outfit because she had on one of her diapers with her name on the crotch.  My first reaction was to call her teachers and tell them I really wasn't crazy (lie) it was just a bad morning. I refrained for fear that calling them at home would only make me look more loony. Go me.

I am sure I am not the only mother that either of things has ever happened to. It was just my first time, and they happened two days apart, making me feel even more I've-officially-lost-it-and-should be medicated than normal. I am not super organized on my best day, so really neither of these situations should have come as a surprise. My favorite phrase is "it was an accident." Incidentally, said phrase has been banned from my house by a certain someone I pledged my undying love to. I say it all of the time because it is very true. I never mean to do these weird things, I do them by accident. Eh, see, I can't help  it. Just rolls right off the tongue. Fortunately I see the humor in my own shortcomings. We were still laughing about the diaper when we walked into the house an hour later. When I discovered the pj bottoms, I was dying in Miss Priss's room. You should have see the look she was giving me from the changing table. It was all, "God Mom, you are so weird." Ever since these incidents (so for the last week) I have been extra cautious about pants/bloomers/pj's/shorts. Not too many and not too few. One per bottom per day is a plenty.

sorry baby, Mommy made you look a fool


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