Monday, November 14, 2011

That Pesky Rain Cloud

Lately I have had some disappointments. It doesn't matter what they were. Some have been big, others small. Some are my own fault, others are things that are out of my control. The what is not the point. The point is that life can hand you lemon after lemon and it can get exhausting to keep trying to make lemonade. You get tired of trying to find the sugar. Sometimes you just want to smash the lemons and roll around in the sour juice and be a little angry. And that is okay. We can't always smile and pretend that all is right and perfect. Sometimes we have to ugly cry. 


I have to remind myself that I don't have to justify being sad. It doesn't matter whether it is one tiny thing, one huge thing, or lots of somethings in between. Mourn the loss of whatever it is that has come to pass. It is okay to be sad and process the disappointment and really feel it. Too mope is human. You have to roll around with it and let it in.  Only then can you attempt to let it go. Then you can move forward. You have to acknowledge your bummed-outness, even if just for a second, a minute, or a day. Let it smack you around a bit and give it a little respect. By giving it it's due, you have given it the space it needs to move on. Only then you can really say, "Goodbye disappointment. You were a real pisser. A total buzz kill. You rained on my parade and I am glad to see you go. Now get the hell out." Once I do this, I feel like I can start fresh.  I can get out of bed in the morning without the weight of negativity trying to drag me back down. I like to bounce through life, and it is difficult to find your bounce when you keep knocking into a blackcloud hanging over your head. Get up outta here black cloud. You are in my way. I am peppy by nature. I smile and I laugh. I have been told my happiness is borderline nauseating. And I am proud of that.  Right now I don't feel like myself. There is too much rain cloud and not enough happiness and light. I need more happiness and light. So I am staring my disappointments in their ugly faces. I am giving them their due so they will move along. Mama needs her bounce back. 


I will not pretend that things didn't happen. I will not act like everything is okay. Today, I will acknowledge that which is getting me down. Today I will be cranky and ornery and annoyed with the world. But tomorrow is new day. I will not drag my sadness with me into tomorrow. I will shake out my personal baggage. I will drop that frustration like its hot. Tomorrow I will start fresh. Tomorrow I will get up and the black cloud will have receded into a little puff of whiteish-gray, far off in the distance. I will consciously step back into the sunshine. Tomorrow I will look at my child's sweet face and know that having that takes the sting out of anything bitter that comes my way. I will remember what is important and what is not. I will remember who is important and who is not. I will know that every step I take tomorrow is a step away from the disappointments of today. I will walk into a fresh new day with a fresh new attitude and a thankfulness for the goodness in my life.  When the next thing comes along that reminds me that sorrows do exist, I will acknowledge, wallow for a hot second, and move on to live another day with a smile on my face. 

4 comments:

  1. i always think it's a good idea to take a piece of time to process the sad when it gets too heavy to ignore. you can't always just keep going as if nothing happened. and you can plop down in the sad and let it consume you either. there needs to be balance, acknowledgement and time.
    so enjoy your day of sad. wallow it up good so that tomorrow can be new & fresh & good.

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  2. Reading that helped me. You are spreading smiles even when you can't see them. There's no doubt some good karma coming your way.

    I'll be in GSO tomorrow staying with Sarah for the night. Give a shout if you're up for some supper!

    -Elizabeth

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  3. Thanks ladies! It always amazes me how much better I feel about something after I write about it.

    Have a wonderful day!

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  4. Thea..I so needed that today! AJB

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