Saturday, March 31, 2012

The Addict

"My name is Alice, and I am an addict." 
A pacifier addict.

2 mos old working a 6mo size paci. 

My child's first love, since day two in the hospital, is THE PACI. Lady Baby would rather have the paci than food, water, or air. After several well fought battles, we officially won the war of keeping all paci's in the crib. Unless she is sick. Or we are on a long car trip. Other than that, only in the crib. Except for during hub's marathon when she smuggled it out of the car and I was so tired from getting up at 5 am I just let her have it. But all other times, crib only. This has lead to a new phenomenon that happens multiple times a day in our home. Fake sleeping while lying on the floor on one's blankie, sucking the paci. Here is the situation: Lady Baby, being a stealthy little honey badger, sneaks into her room and grabs one of her one-true-loves out of bed, lays on the floor on her stomach with her face buried in her blankie, and enjoys criminal paci time. If she is feeling especially brave, she will bring the paci back out into the den and fake sleep there, so she can watch TV while doing it. Evil. Genius. When I realize it is awfully quiet for a house with a two year old, I usually find her laying on the couch. As soon as I walk in she clamps the little eyeballs shut and fake snores. Yes, she fake snores. It's like living with Lucille Ball if she were a sassy toddler with control issues.Then begins the struggle of getting the paci put back into it's rightful daytime spot. My first effort is always to make her go put it in her crib herself. There is counting, there is threatening. Then comes her efforts at keeping it in her possession. This stage involves running, screeching, and laying on top of the paci with it clutched in a death grip. As if I can't pick her up and wrench it out of her hand. Which I have done so many times I cannot count. Usually she prefers to put it back in her crib herself (control freak, much?) and her favorite is to fake sneeze it back in (again with the Lucille Ball comedy). But that can only happen after she has tried to dodge the law and make a quick and screaming getaway. I have learned to stay strong and make her put it away. Otherwise it becomes tomorrow's problem. I did that 67 times over the summer and it was a nightmare. Lesson learned. Sticking to my mommy guns may not be easier now, but it makes the long run so much less painful.

daytime paci love
Last week, I was taking care of a friend's little one year old boy. The sweetest little dude, he lets Alice rip toys out of his hand with a little baby shrug and finds something else to play with. In no way was he bothering her, except for  touching her stuff. However, anyone who has been around a two year old for 7.6 minutes knows that that is an offense of epic proportions.  Therefore, this particular day she was really rocking her "mine mine mine" battle cry. Finally exhausted of defending her landfill toys made in china from the world's sweetest child, she decided she had enough and wanted to be alone. In her crib. She actually asked me to put her in her bed. I assumed she was sleepy and annoyed that there was another little chick running around getting my attention, so I complied. I quickly realized she just wanted paci time. Which she enjoyed for about half an hour. It was the equivalent of a housewife hiding in the closet drinking vodka because life is just. too. much. She would rather lay there with her paci than play, watch TV, or be social. Addicted. 

I am starting to wonder when enough is enough. When is too old for the beloved paci and when is it time to think about teeth, etc? 

stolen moments with her true love.
Not sure how or when we are going to break her of her addiction, but I fear it is going to be painful for all involved. I foresee crying, begging, and big time baby-anger. I will keep y'all updated when we finally pull the plug. As Lady Baby would say, "Scarry Spiders." We are open to suggestions. Paci fairy? Mail it to a baby? Pretend all pacifier's have fallen of the face of the earth and no longer exist anywhere? I don't know what is the right and or easy way to go. I do know that whatever happens, we will be lucky to make it out all in one piece. 


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