Monday, April 30, 2012

I Call it Co-Notsleeping

We are not the bed sharing type over here at Lint Trap Manor. I like my sleep space. I like for Lady Baby to have her sleep space. We are together a heck of a lot in the waking hours and I need time to be without her. I am lucky that she sleeps perfectly perfect most of the time by her lonesome so there is no need or desire for her to sleep in our bed. 

Then we go on vacation and we enter the anything goes mode and she sleeps where she wants, as long as she will sleep. By anywhere she wants, I mean our bed or her crib. I do not let my beautiful flower sleep on train tracks or in bear caves. This started because on most of our vacations she sleeps in our room in her pack in play. Therefore, if she wakes in the night and sees us asleep across the room, she can only assume that we should all hang out. She is all, "you are here, I am here. Lets have a tickle party and sing Bye Bye Black Sheep super loud. Then I will poke your eyelids and say your name repeatedly. This is going to be super fun." But its not super fun. It is super awful. When she is in our bed she cannot settle. There are covers and extra people to chat with and pillows. All things that interfere with sleeping when you are two and used to a crib. She flails and flops and flings her hair and sighs. It is super active sleeping and it is all up in my space. My space. Mine. Not hubs. MINE. Then, sometimes she decides that balled up white blankie is not a good enough pillow and the she wants to use another pillow. AKA, my pillows. So then she slams her little hard head upon my bosom and I cry out silently, because if I do it aloud she will take that as an invitation to strike up a conversation about octagons. So I silent scream and slide her down so she is draped awkwardly upon my midsection. If she resists, then I slide her up and she ends up jammed up under my chin. Then I go to half-sleep with the inability to yawn and baby hair all up my nose. Good times. Not good sleep.

This was the calmest part of the family
cosleep experience. Of course, it was
after I got up. Grrrrrrr.
This past weekend we went to Merlefest (a weekend bluegrass music festival about an hour away) and camped for two nights. It was great and we had a fantastic time. Except for the hours normally reserved for sleep. Those were less then amazing.  The first night Her Highness did not think sleeping without us in the tent was a doable option. Instead she played, sang, and went through our bags, while we hung out and drank beer around the campfire. Every little bit she would call out for us. She got so annoyed she finally started shouting, "Thea, Thea, come heeeerrrrreee." I gave up and went to bed, where I was pummeled and strangled and flailed upon by a toddler for many long hours. We also had a slow leak in the air mattress and I ended up trying to get comfortable without really moving because when there is not enough air in a plastic mattress any move will rock your bed mate's world, and not in the good way. Obviously I did not care if I rolled hubs off the bed, but I did not want to wake the sleeping honey badger for any reason. Not to mention I couldn't find my socks in the dark and I was fa-fa-freezing. I have never been so happy to see 6.30 in my life. I am actually pretty sure I have never been happy to see 6.30. Ever. Until this day. The second night, we borrowed a DVD player and settled Lady Baby on our brand new emergency purchase air mattress with the ever annoying Max and Ruby. She watched it a few times through and passed out. When I finally got in bed several hours later after too much fun, she immediately snuggled up so close that I was basically hanging off the edge of the mattress. So comfy. I spent half the night with half my body dangling off the mattress while trying to shift child over inch by inch closer to her other parent who was sleeping quite peacefully. Not to mention it was even colder and even though I had the foresight to put my socks on while I was still able to locate them, and I had an extra pair for my hands, it was not enough. I was cold to my very core, and the child cried out very loud  THISCLOSE to my ear every time she got her feet caught in the covers. Therefore the covers were up and down despite the fact it was 50 degrees and my core body temperature was similar to those people they pack in ice for a heart transplant. Again, 6:30 am was my friend.

Had the child slept in her peapod per the initial plan, there would still have been the busted mattress and the freezy temps. However, getting her in there was a bit like putting a cat in a bag. If the cat could sob and say "mommy mommy please please, I get out." Instead we went three deep and I didn't sleep so great. Translation=I was awake more than I was asleep. However, opening my eyes and seeing the most sweetest sleeping angel's little face an inch from mine made it worth it. All the punches, all the mouths full of hair, all the cover kicking. I love those early snuggles when everyone is still half asleep. She burrows in between us and puts her hand in my hand or rubs her daddy's arm. It is all so peaceful and calm. I suspect people that cosleep have this experience often. I am a little jealous that they get to wake often to a smiling baby face. They get to see their loves go to sleep and wake up. They get to watch them dream and hold them during a nightmare. I think that part of it is beautiful and lovely. However, I cannot imagine sharing my 8 hours every night. I love her more than life, but I do not love sleeping with her. All the cuddles in the world do not make up for lost sleep. Mommy and daughter both need our own space. I do not feel guilty that she went in her own crib at 5 days and has only spent a handful of nights in our bed. I do not worry that she feels unloved or lonely. I do not think I have missed crucial bonding. Others can do what they want, but cosleeping is not in my family's best interest. Mommy needs to sleep without midnight serenades and karate chops to the sternum. At this point hubs is lucky I let him share the bed. I will just have to enjoy those early morning Lady Baby snuggles when we are out of town. Just another reason for me to enjoy our time together on vacation! 


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