Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Even Kid Haters Can Say Hello

People of the world, prepare yourselves. I have a rant/public service announcement/helpful hint.

I don't care if you hate kids. I don't care if the sight of their sticky hands makes you squirm and their innocent little faces make you want to shudder. What I do care about is your unwillingness to acknowledge a child when they are saying hello/smiling/waving at you. You know who else won't stand for it? My child. I promise she can out last you. This has happened twice to us in the last two weeks and it makes me really angry. Both times Lady Baby was politely and obviously trying to say hello to an adult who refused to engage. Because obviously two year olds are out to ruin everyone's days with their happiness.

The first time was a man at a local coffee shop reading his paper. She walked up to him, said "hi," and he ignored her. She leaned her little face onto the edge of his table and said it again. Crickets. A little louder this time. More ignoring. This went on for at least 8 hellos. Finally he glanced at her and winced out the worst half smile of life. Then he have her a head bob. A head bob. She's two. She doesn't understand the subtle nuances of communication. A head bob doesn't get it. I had to basically drag her away from this guy's table, while she continued "hi" on loud repeat. The whole time he was radiating a "kids are tiny warriors in satan's army trying to ruin my morning" vibe. Not cool. 

The second time happened today at Whole Foods. A was sitting in a booth across from the checkouts, having finished her fancy free range quinoa and tofu lunch. Her Highness, riding in her plastic-race-car-with-basket-attached chariot, spent the trip around the store greeting her subjects and reveling in the excellant crowd participation. She spots this woman, one last person that has not had the honor of a hello from the Queen. I see a little chubs hand wave out of the side of the car. The woman stared straight at her. I see a second wave. More staring. This went on until I was also staring, waiting to see who was going to crack first. She didn't smile, she didn't wave, she sat. She stared. She sat and stared. I know she can communicate. I saw her talking to another woman while I was in line. She was a statue of "I refuse to acknowledge anyone who was born after 2009." Alice didn't have a chance to get out of the car-cart to beat the woman into submission verbally because I whisked her out the door. But I was hot. A little wave back wouldn't have killed you.

News flash for those who hate kids. They are going to turn into grownups someday. Every interaction they have helps mold them into the person they will become. When you ignore someone speaking to you it is rude. Why would you want to teach a child that it is ok to be rude? Children are our future. Did Whitney teach us nothing? I have no need for every single person on this earth to think kids are awesome. What I do have a need for is basic decency. Is that really too much to ask? Seriously. If my child's gorgeous little face make you want to vomit, that is your business. You being rude to her is my business. I think next time I will allow her to honey badger he or she who shall not communicate until they have no choice but to carry on a full five minute conversation with her about bracelets and yogurt and when she pooped. While that will probably only increase their distaste for the young, it will teach them a valuable lesson. Most unpleasant social situations can be avoided when you have good manners.


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