Life is a blur. I feel like I run through my days. One second I am wishing I didn't have to get up, then the next second I am falling into bed exhausted. How does that happen? I thought once I was home all day things would be calm. And easy. And so much less stressful. This however, is just not the case. Possibly because even though I am "home," I am home very little. Thus the days passing by at light speed.
I don't like living like I am in a crazy race. I feel like I can see the finish line way off in the distance, but I can't get there. The faster I run, the further I go, the more that seems to be between me and that finish. I am not even sure what is at the finish. What is there? Someone please tell me. Peace? Bliss? A masseuse and cupcakes and a vodka cranberry with lime and a quiet place to take a nap? If so then I will keep running. If it is more work, then I'm good, thanks. May as well run in place.
I have no idea how to slow down. I have to take care of Her Highness. I have to work. I have to go to Target for diapers and cat litter. I have to maintain at least a walkway through the house and at least enough room on the counter to set the takeout boxes. Nothing seems negotiable. Everything seems mandatory. Hubs uses the phrase "work smarter not harder." After I practice an enormous amount of self control to keep from performing a ninja cat throat punch, I reflect on the truth of it. But the truth of it is, I am not sure how to do that either. I feel like I make very good use of my time. Just this morning I magic eraser'd the tub during my shower. I had some time to kill while I did my bi-yearly hair conditioning (it's just Aussie 5 minute miracle, but in the words of Michael Scott, "no time... no time.). I do minimal standing around staring at the mess and the stacks of papers. I suppose I could get up earlier and do more pre-Honeybadger wake up, but sacrificing sleep does not usually go well for me. If there is one thing I need, it is a solid 7 hours or more. I am open to suggestions and ideas. Maybe an assistant or two and about 4-5 extra hours in the day. See what y'all can do to get that going.
|I'm a cheetah, yo.|
- I stopped tweeting. In the battle cry of mother's everywhere, "its too much." So, no more Twitter.
- I have refrained from joining Pinterest. As many know, I am a fool for a craft project. However, I fear if I fall down the rabbit hole that is Pinterest, you may not hear from me until 2016.
- I stopped reading. Not intended to be a time saver but I just can't get my eyes to stay open. But it is saving me some time.
- I have gotten a haircut that does not require use of the flat iron. Hello 3.2 extra minutes.
- I try not to say yes to everything that comes along. Its ok if we don't make it to the children's museum or a birthday party.
- I have stopped cooking dinner. Okay, that is just because I have not been to the grocery store in like a month except for milk and granola bars. I am trying to remain positive.
I don't want to be the mom who is too busy to play or enjoy my child. That is why I still take the time to snuggle Lady Baby. I will not sacrifice that for errands or cleaning or working. If she asks me to play with her, I usually do. She spends a lot of time playing independently and has never needed to be constantly entertained. I don't want her to ever feel like I am too busy to be her mom. I don't want to look back and regret not devoting enough time to my family. There are enough regrets in life, I don't want that to be one of them.
Until the time that everything gets done and there is nothing left to be crossed off my list (which I imagine will happen when I am 84 and three quarters) I suppose I will keep up the marathon. I am open to suggestions, ideas, rants and hugs. I am thankful for friends who take time out of their own marathons to help manage childcare and enjoy the occasional night out to decompress. I appreciate having a husband who attempts to bring a modicum of organization to my hurricane of a life, closet, car and house. I am hopeful for the future that we will either win the lottery or I will be discovered and paid handsomely to write, instead of using what little time I can scrape together to do it here for free (not that I would abandon y'all if I was famous. I would totes take you with me). Then I could spend my days watching my butler open my mail and my assistant give the cat her 'betes shots while I sit and read and drink lattes. One can dream...I suppose until that day, I will run. Run like the wind. Actually it is probably more of a plod, but you get me.