- Pack your bags. Make sure to include lots of elastic waist pants and books and of course your laptop. In a small bag, put a few outfits for your kid, diapers and instructions for every possible scenario so that you will not need to be bothered for any reason.
- Pack food. Things that should go in the bag and cooler include chocolate, wine, beer, cookies, and Cheetos. In a small separate bag, throw in a few squeezy apple sauces and a box of cereal bars.
- Put child in the car and drive to where ever there is someone that will take her for the weekend. Uncles, Aunts, grandparents, neighbors, people you met the other day in line at the grocery store. When they agree, don't question it. Just say thank you.
- Hand child off quickly and continue on to a predetermined location. Put on comfortable clothes, pour a drink, and proceed to enjoy being with either friends or alone. Husband optional. Relax and remember showers are also optional.
- Do not retrieve your child for at least three nights/four days. This is the MINIMUM amount of time required for full toddler detox. During this time texting is the best option for communication with the person that has your child. Calling once a day is acceptable, but only for quick need-to-know information. You do not need a play-by-play of pool time or a detailed accounting of meals. Your kid is being exactly the same as they are with you, except better behaved with nicer manners.
- Pick child up and enjoy being excited to see her. If you are not excited, then you should have stayed an extra day. Note for next time.
|Absolutely not. Never. Run.|
Now go make yourself a better parent by following my steps exactly. Do not deviate, unless it is to stay away longer. And make sure to take the mini-snickers with you.