Friday, August 31, 2012

Wrap it Up (I remembered!)

Remember how I was going to wrap it up weekly? Yeah, well, me neither. But then I remember again, so here I am.

If you read my last post, which of course you did because it was advice and everyone knows I give THE BEST advice, you know that I have been Super-Zen since my child free vacation. So, had I not recently spent a grown up weekend away and recentered my chi, I probably would not have made it through this week. Here is why...

1. My child has a few new words in her vocabulary. They are: "not fair," "You never...," and "but Mom." I have managed not to snap at the constant water torture of these phrases pounding my ears until they bleed. But only because my chakras were aligned by Cheetos and wine. Praise Buddha. The tone she is using to say these things involves her dropping her voice several octaves and growling it out loudly with her lips pursed. Y'all, she has done it so much that she is hoarse. I thought at first she had polyps on her vocal cords like Adele. My neighbor then pointed out that she just has bad attitude induced laryngitis. Think angry Kathleen Turner. She is also now saying "but Mom" on repeat every time she does not like what I say to her. Which is pretty much everything. I counted today in the car between our house and the Teeter and she said it 40 times. It is a 6 minute trip. We are lucky I did not wreck the car in desperation.
Angry laryngitis
2. I took the Honey Badger shoe shopping. Longest 12 minutes of shopping of my life. All was going well until a heated disagreement broke out over a pair of hideous white party shoes that were two sizes too big. It was intense. I had to physically remove them from her feet while she sobbed. We were able to agree on a pair of sparkly gold shoes, but the good will only lasted until Lady Baby discovered the umbrellas. We had a physical altercation over a Dora umbrella that involved the umbrella opening and more sobbing and foot stomping. (Thanks, I needed some bad luck. Things are too perfect with you, my angel child.) When I finally wrestled it from Her Highness, she threw herself around the store ranting and raving that I never share any umbrellas with her and that it is not fair. The cherry on this sundae of awesome embarrassment was when the manager said to me, "I really feel sorry for her husband." Me too kind sir, me too. Interestingly, he failed to take note that he should have also felt sorry for me. I mean, I was the one taking her home.
Compromise is a beautiful shiny sparkly thing.

3. School started this week. It was crazy watching my baby march up the stairs, hang up her book bag up, hug me, and go in to see her friends with nary a look back. If I had to rate the whole thing I would say 99% amazingly relieved and happy to take her back to school and 1% sad that she is another year older and doesn't seem to need me as much. Then I went and had coffee and got work done and I was back to 100% happy pretty quickly.

Enjoy your weekend party people!!!! I hope it is beautiful as Lady Baby's new gold party shoes!

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