Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Honey Badgers Say the Darndest Things


If you are my friend on Facebook then you will be all "Thanks for phoning this post in, T. Way to put out as little effort as possible" when you read these. But I think they are hilarious and I feel they must be shared with all my peeps for the greater good. And because I am too wiped out to be clever by myself. 

SOOOOOO....here is what Her Highness is saying these days...feel free to snort laugh. I won’t tell.

Alice asked me if I knew the song "Gina Loves Me". I think something got lost in translation at school.

Alice is jumping on my bed...
Me: Please be careful.
Alice: NO. NEEEEVVVVEEEERRRRR.

Alice: Look at that funny honky.
Me: That is called a donkey.
Alice: Oh.

Alice to Daddy: you are a boy princess.

Alice: can I have my Shaking Booty chap stick?
Me: You mean Sleeping Beauty?
Alice: NO. Shaking Booty.

Looking at old pictures at my parents...
Me: who is that?
Alice: That's mommy. With magic teeth.
Me: those are called braces.

Me: please put your shoes on.
Alice: aye aye captain. Full steam ahead.

Me: I'm going to take a shower.
Alice: ok, just call me if you need me.

Alice (eating crackers and Hummus): Do you know Hummus the Train?
Daddy: I think his name is Thomas the train.
Alice: oh. Thomas the train.

She also has learned some choice words and phrases. I am sure I am we are all to blame. I am sharing these to make y'all all feel like better parents, not to embarrass her grandparents. It is like a public service, so we all can laugh at how kids say things that are a unsavory to make us look like a-holes with potty mouths in line at Whole Foods...

Holy Shitballs
Holy Shit
Holy Crap
Damn
Whatever
Penis (not bad for her to use this, but I could do with less frequency)
Hell to the No

Feel free to leave a comment with potty mouth things your kids have said to make me feel better.

Please.

I need to be made to feel better, because seeing them all in a list like that is making me feel like I am neck in neck with Honey Boo Boo’s mom for Mom of the Year.



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