Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Gotta Get a Few Things off My Chest

We have all done it. Omitted a truth, not fessed up to something, told a little white lie. I have a few that I have carried for quite sometime. I feel that I need to get them off my chest.

The sit-and-reach was more of my jam.
I am quite good at the sitting, and my reach
is above average. 
In elementary school, I missed the day my class was supposed to run the mile for the Presidential Fitness Test. I had to make it up another day during PE. Halfway through the first lap I got really tired of running. cause running is boring and I was alone. I told my teacher I felt like I was going to throw up. Lies. The truth was I hated running and much preferred waiting for my turn in kickball and gossiping with my friends instead. She let me stop and I never made it up. Wherever you are Ms. Isenhour, I am so sorry I lied. However, I think we can both agree there was little-to-no way I would actually have qualified for the Fitness award anyway. I was built more for library helper, less for shuttle run.

Lordy, I feel better. Let's try another. 

When I was little we got a set of World Books. When they arrived you would have thought my parents were putting the Dead Sea Scrolls on the den shelf. Brother and I got a thorough lesson in showing the encyclopedia the proper reverence. I am surprised they didn't keep white gloves in a box beside them for us to wear. From the moment they arrived, with their luxurious faux cream and burgundy leather covers and gold leafed edges and extensive set of handling rules, I was smitten. I treated those books with the utmost respect. One day I was working on a project and looking up a key piece of information in what I believe was the 'W' book. At the same time I was using a silver paint pen. And I got paint pen on the cover of the book. And I started crying. And sweating. And hyperventilating. And I swore I would take my transgression to the grave. Then not long after that, while doing some other report, I tore a page by accident (I am an aggressive page turner to this day). Commence the silent screaming in terror and regret along with full body shaking. I am not sure I ever opened our set World Books again. I worried that if my parents found out I would be grounded for life. And worse, they would be disappointed. Gasp. If only I would have known then that those books would later be turned away from Goodwill because they were so out of date, I probably could have slept a little better for three long weeks in third grade. 

Sweet mother. Unburdening my soul is amazing. 

Optimus Pwime, I am so sorry I broke one
of your brethren.
When I was little, Brother got a brand new Transformer in his happy meal. The whole family was in the den, presumably watching The Sunday Night Disney Movie or TGIF, and I went to the bathroom. Then I moseyed through his room, looking for things to touch that were not mine. I saw the new Transformer and it begged me to turn it back into a car or truck or helicopter or whatever it was. I started messing with it, and I broke it. Rendered it useless with one slip of the hand. I panicked, put the two pieces back where I found it in one piece, and prayed no one would notice that my time in the bathroom coincided with the mystery maiming of the Transformer. And I never told anyone. Brother, I do hope you can forgive me after all this time. I am sure you have been wondering who broke that Transformer.

A few other little things...
My mom hid cash behind a picture frame in the kitchen. I once stole a $10 bill in high school. 
I was the one who drank out of the liquor cabinet in junior high, not brother.
In 8th I was laughing so hard I wet my pants. I was so embarrassed  I told everyone that I dropped them in the toilet. 

Ahhh...clean slate, ready for the next 33 years. Anyone else need to clear the old conscious? It really is amazing. 

The next time I do this, when I am 66, I will tell all the things I have done to Hubs. 


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