Wednesday, January 2, 2013

What we Learned at the Manor in 2012

It is a new year. 2013 is here. Therefore, I want to clean out my brain and share with y'all, my people, my loves, what we have learned at the The Manor in the last year. It is a little long, so run go grab a snack, maybe a beverage, before you start. You may also want to take notes, because there are some true nugget in there worth remembering. Of course the majority of it is worthless, but who knows what will speak to you.

Potty training is the most frustrating and rewarding part of parenting that I have experienced. During the throws of floor peeing and scraping poo out of panties, one can be driven to tears. Repeatedly. But once everything clicks and your child is going consistently, it is awesome. And when she is sitting there taking a doofenshmurtz and looking at a Runner's World, you can take pride and say, "I am the reason my child is no longer crapping their pants. Well done, me."

Changing Jobs is hard. It is scary. But happiness is pretty awesome and makes the risk worth it. Even if you are working harder and making less. Right. RIGHT? Yes, IT IS.

Putting a pet to sleep is totally awful. Even if it is a cat known for being hateful who bites and scratches and repeatedly pees on everything when she is mad, which is all time time. Even if her main form of communication is hissing and you have to wear oven mitts to put her in a carrier. Especially if the only person she loved was you.
You will be missed, angry pee-er.
 PS>Her eyes glowed like that all the time.
Not just in pictures.
Not having the right underpants clean is a serious issue. If it is a Barbie kind of day and the lazy good for nothing that washes, folds, and puts away your laundry is falling down on the job and their are only Minnie Mouse panties in the drawer? There is hell to pay. Heads will roll. Management will hear about it. Loudly and repeatedly.

Its okay to say "this isn't working" and try something different. My disciplining tactics were not working. They were making things worse. Even more confusing is that they worked 6 months ago. But sometimes you have to admit that it's time to try something new. We are still working on it. More on that later since I am in no way 100% sure the new ways will keep working or be sustainable, but I am trying!

The Mayans are terrible calendar makers.

It is impossible to force someone to eat, drink, or go to the bathroom. It is nearly impossible to force a person into clothes. You can do it, but the aftermath is so horrendous that I can only imagine like two situations where it would be worth it. Add a Honey Badger, the hulk, and a screaming banshee and stuff them into a sweater dress and tights and stand back to see what happens. That is why my kid looks like a tiny gypsy Olsen twin 24/7. 

The word diarrhea is amazingly beautiful to a 2 year old. Only use it if you are prepared to hear it at three times a day for-ev-er.

When you are a kid, seeing a closed bathroom door makes you have to go to the bathroom. Immediately.  Especially if you are a nosy two year old who likes to have a captive audience. I will only get to be alone in the bathroom 7.4% of the time for the foreseeable future. I have to accept it and move on. There is no me time. Only us time in the potty.

Mrs. Kardashian did a terrible job explaining birth control to her kids. Might I recommend the book This is How you Were Made? Effective pictures, so they wouldn't even have to do much reading.

Tutus are the most versatile clothing item on the planet. Sleepwear? Check. School friendly? Sure. Riding the tricycle or playing soccer? No problem. And the best part is the can fit under or over virtually any outfit. 

Two year olds will go forever without taking a bath or brushing their teeth. You have to get involved and make those things happen. They will, however, wash their hands 74 times a day for 10 minutes at a time. Makes no sense. The hands? Sparkling. The teeth could be rotten and flies and a dust cloud could be radiating off the child but the hands are ready for sub-cranial surgery.

Korean pop stars are amazingly contagious dancers.

A good preschool is life changing. I don't know what I would do if Her Highness did not have somewhere else to go three mornings a week. And they are teaching her things that I could never. Like Spanish and how to listen. Saints, those ladies are. Though I think that might be where all the hand washing encouragement is coming from.

Trader Joes, Pinterest, Impractical Jokers and flavored seltzer water changed my life this past year. Check them out. You won't be sorry.

Hope everyone's 2012 was amazeballs and that 2013 is even better. No resolutions here, just going to keep trying to be a better person, a more caring mother and a nicer wife. And to cook more. And to spend less money. And to stop eating sweets like sugar is about to be rationed. And to take more deep breaths. And them some more deep breaths. And then maybe just a few more. And then stop because I will be hyperventilating. 


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