Saturday, March 2, 2013

My Fantasy is Slightly Depressing

Tonight I realized my fantasy. I bet I have your attention now...

My in-laws were driving through town tonight on their way from Hub's sister's house in SC to their house in Delaware. They are staying at a hotel because they cannot stand the amount of dog hair in my house my MIL broke her leg and can't get in and out of our house. I am 100% sure the dog hair free room was an added bonus. When we were visiting in their room, I casually suggested that maybe I should get a room and spend the night there alone. I looked at the bed that my mother-in-law was propped up on, and I literally wanted to weep. As my child ate candy off the floor, and bounced on the bed, and chattered to her grandparents about her imaginary monkey and being a princess , all I could think about was everyone getting out and leaving me alone in that room.

As we walked down the hall to the elevator, I mentioned that staying alone in a hotel room for a night was my fantasy. Alone. All night. Sleep. Alone. Watch TV. Alone. More sleep. Alone. "That sounds amazing," I said. Hubs looked at me like I was a very sad woman that was probably in need of some serious therapy.

After we got home, we were standing in the hall talking about bath time for Lady Baby. She walks out of her room, buck naked, balls her fists up, and screams at me "No bath. NEEEVVVEEERR." I thought about the hush of silence in that hotel room.

I put clean sheets on our bed while I listened to Her Highness alternating between sobbing and laughing in the bathtub, and I though about the king size bed that someone else had to make up.

While I fed the cat and did her nightly 'betes injection, and then fed the dog, I thought about no one needing to go out to poop or pee in the night, or squalling loudly at 4:30am for their food, because waiting until 7am is just not acceptable. Because the hotel has a strict NO PETS, especially old ones, policy.

When I brushed teeth with my delicate flower and closed my eyes for half a second because I was so tired and opened them to find her scrubbing the old toothpaste out of the sink with her toothbrush, I thought about the luxury of being in a bathroom that was clean. By someone else. That was not me. And brushing my teeth alone, without being micromanaged by someone three feet tall. I could set my toothbrush wherever I wanted and put the toothpaste on myself. Sweet. Bliss.

As I sat down to write this, I thought about how much I could write with one 24 hour period of silence. In my luxurious suite with a mini fridge and free wifi. And I could watch what I wanted, instead of having to watch the end of Skyfall, which I already saw in the theater. I could even watch the last Twilight and the only person judging my selection would be me. 

My dream is a night with just myself in a hotel room. It doesn't have to be fancy. It can be right down the street at the Hilton Garden or the Doubletree or the Hampton (they have great beds BTW). I am not picky. It just seems downright luxurious to sleep in the middle of bed that someone else made up, in sheets I will never have to wash, on pillows I didn't have to buy. To poop alone, on a toilet I didn't clean, with no one knocking on the door, or chatting me up while sitting on their mini potty, and using toilet paper that someone else purchased, that I pulled off the roll myself. Then waking up whenever I want, and laying in bed and having a cup of coffee that I didn't make, while watching anything that does not feature a mouse, a monkey, or an idiot kid that pets wild animals, and possibly looking at a magazine or reading a book. 

That is my fantasy. That is my dream. Does that make me the tired mother of a three year old? Absolutely. Does everyone of you with kids now have a new fantasy that they probably didn't even realize, but now can't stop thinking about? Most definitely. 

NYC. Corner Room. Fancy Schmidt. Yes Please M'am.


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