Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The Badger vs. the Timer

Earlier this evening...

Me: Toodles, please pick up all your dress up clothes.
A: *stone cold silence*
Me: If you don't pick them up, I will put your princess dress (her most prized possession, the ripped up Little Mermaid dress that shows entirely too much bosom) in time out tonight and tomorrow.
A: *ignore ignore ignore. evil giggle to herself. more ignoring.*
Me: Dress up clothes in the bin. Now.
A: *waves of "you are dead to me" roll off her tiny body*

I go about my business cleaning the kitchen. Hubs is sitting on the couch talking to his parents on the phone, while Lady Baby gives his foot a full physical. She continues to ignore the fact that she is supposed to be cleaning up the den. Even when Daddy reminds her. She just continues to doctor his ailing foot. As if no one asked her to do anything, like clean up her own mess.

Me: Here is a timer. When it goes off in ten minutes, if this den is not clean and all dress up clothes in the bin, you will lose your dress.

I slam the timer down with the flourish of a mother who has done a good job.

A: wahhhhhhhh. *whine whine whine* heeeelllllppp meeee. waaaahhhhhhhaaaa. *starts to pick up a dress*

"This is how you parent," I think to myself. I am getting it done. DONE. She respects me because I am her mother, and I am in charge. I am setting limits and making rules. I am in charge you little El Diablo. You will not beat me.

Hubs (laughing to his mom): "Oh my god. Thea just brought the timer in, set it for ten minutes, and told your granddaughter to have everything picked up before it went off or her Ariel dress goes to time out. As soon as she walked out, A walked over to the timer, turned it to thirty minutes, set it back down and kept playing."

I overheard all that and my head exploded. Literally. Right off my neck, all over the kitchen that I had just sort-of cleaned. Then I laid dying in a fiery pool of righteous indignation mixed with desperation and feelings of inadequacy.

Well played Honey Badger, well played.

Someone please get me a conference call with Dr Sears, John Rosemond, Scary British Jo from Nanny 911, and Tiger Mom. I imagine them as The Avengers of parenting. I think it will take all of them to take down Lady Baby. 

So cute. Next time do your job, stupid.


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