He is a crybaby---every time I get on the phone he cries. That was the only time he wasn't sleeping. SO annoying. He also cries when he is hungry, when he is cold, and when the air hits his tush. How about less crying and more getting me some coffee. And a donut. Mmmmkay?
He is needy---needy employees are the worst, am I right? They want your attention and they will do anything to get it. Like crapping their pants. I get it. You don't have to barf on me. Repeatedly. I hear your needs. Your file has been noted.
He is obsessed with my boobs---he won't stop staring at them. Seriously. All. The. Time. Earlier he nonchalantly groped me. I think I should call HR and file a formal complaint.
Despite his performance issues and lack of attention to detail (except my boobs, of course) he is the cutest assistant ever. And a good snuggler. And he doesn't talk back. But he also ignores me when I am trying to bounce ideas off of him, so that is kind of wash. But he keeps his whining to a minimum and is a good listener. I guess I will keep him around. And maybe once he can hold his head up he will be able to actually get some valuable work done, and then I can take a nap instead of him.
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| Makin' it happen while he chills. He could at least go pick up my dry cleaning or arrange some meetings. Worthless. |
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| The office groper. I am pretty sure that is harassment. |
