Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Mother Nature You are an Annoying Overachiever

Hi there Mother Nature. May I call you Mother? We have a little situation. And Mother it is a code red. My child is having her millionth snow day this year. And it is a problem. Listen up sister and then lean away.

I get it. We are both working Moms. We are both just trying to get the job done. But the problem is when you get angry at work and make it snow for 7032 days, it makes it very hard for me to get my work done. You see, when you give us bad weather my child's school gets cancelled. And when she is not in school, she is here. At home. Also known as my office. All up in my business. Asking me questions. Needing things, like lunch and help when she gets stuck in her clothes. And every time she walks by my computer she touches it. Do you have any idea how annoying that is? Can you imagine dragging your kids to work and them being all, "how do you make it rain?" and "what is a cumulus cloud?" Then singing their own version of "Let it Go" on repeat for 45 minutes while you are trying to decide the best course of action for the summer months. That is what I am up against here. Working at home with your child also at home is virtually impossibly. This is where you come in, Naturella. You can stop this madness. Please, in a show of sisterhood, make it stop. Now. 

I know some of our brethren out there love snow days. An excuse to stay in the jammies and play with their kids. Drinking hot cocoa they have filled with homemade marshmallows in snowflake shapes and baking gluten free chocolate chip cookies with rolled oats and quinoa. Crafting with popsicle sticks and birdseed and homemade edible glue. That is not me. I can't drop everything to bake banana bread and make forts with my child every time it snows. Once, twice a year? Sure. Goodie. Sounds fun. Twice a week for 2 months? Pass. I send my child to school so someone else can teach her. So she can see her friends. So I can work. None of those things can happen when she is sitting here staring at me. So stop listening to the moms who are enjoying their snow days. They are drunk on snow cream. Please listen to me and stop this madness. It has lost its luster.

Enough already. Take a break. A spring break, if you will. Go lay on the beach somewhere. It will make you feel better.Sunday you gave us a teaser for Spring. We wore tank tops and ate outside. Yesterday it was snowing and sleeting and I may have cried a little. Shocker, there is no school today. Please let this be it. We have survived Snowmageddon and Snowpocaplyse this year. There are no more ways to turn a new storm into funny names for the end of the world, so you have to stop now.
The only acceptable snow day is one that keeps Daddy home to deal with the likes of this.
Sister Nature, please cut us some slack. Relax and let the sun shine for a bit. You have proven that you are damn good at your job. Now let me do my job. Those of us who can't fill the long days with snowman shaped pb&j sandwiches and science experiments about ice need weather that allows for normalcy. No more ice or snow, I beg you. If you are feeling pissy, rain is okay, just don't go overboard and freeze it, okay? 

Pat yourself on the back for a job well done and sit back and relax. Now catch the next flight out to Key West and leave us in peace to thaw out.

With love in rain or shine,
Thea DeLoreto


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